The Peanut Butter Catastrophe

I could probably switch the comforter on our bed, change the pillows on the couch, or rearrange all decor items in our house and Mike wouldn't notice a thing.

We could go for days without milk in the fridge, fresh fruits and vegetables, or unloading the dishwasher and Mike would not experience any change in his normal routine.

We can go completely without bread, pretzels, tortilla chips, or applesauce and Mike wouldn't be happy, but he'd get by.

But the peanut butter. Oh... the peanut butter. I don't think I'll survive another time in our marriage in which we live in a home without peanut butter.

We were away last weekend and returned on Sunday to the usual tasks you need to complete to feel prepared for the work week ahead; one of which is going to the grocery store. Mike says, "I need peanut butter, among other things but the key in this list dear readers is the peanut butter." Then, I forgot to get peanut butter. I didn't realize anything until Tuesday after school. Allow me to set the scene:

We're sitting in our living room on opposite couches. I'm reading and Mike's watching TV...
M: You forgot to get peanut butter for me on Sunday.
S: Oh yeah, sorry... I'll pick some up tonight after book club. then I go back to reading my book
M: Good because I ate pretzels and string cheese for lunch today.
S:  I make a face that clearly says I'm having a hard time processing this information. I turn my head very slowly toward him and say, "come again?"
M: We haven't had peanut butter for two days now so I had to eat pretzels and string cheese for lunch.
S: My head and eyes turn towards our kitchen with a refrigerator and pantry stocked full of "lunch worthy" foods all while my face remains in its state of utter bewilderment at this newsflash about Mike's lunch situation. Finally...I think of something to say..., "so... without peanut butter... you don't eat lunch."
M: Yes.

Well then guess what... I forgot to get peanut butter. Again.
I came home from my day today and Mike wouldn't even talk to me.

Luckily, I remembered in time to stop and get some on my way home. Once I showed him I had a new jar for him, he came around and started talking to me again. Then he told me all his friends at school felt really bad for him because this was the third day in a row he didn't have anything to eat during lunch. Then he looked at me with the saddest school-boy eyes you've ever seen. I kid you not readers. This is my life.

I can understand if you're feeling confused right now, I still am too. Let me help clarify a bit: Yes I am talking about my husband who will turn 28 years old in about two weeks. Yes Mike does have access to a vehicle and can drive himself to a store that sells peanut butter. Yes Mike has access to our bank account via his own debit card to purchase said peanut butter. And yes Mike passes a grocery store on his way to work. Apparently one of the discussion topics we should've covered during our pre-marital classes was : Peanut Butter: Talk to Your Partner About What it Means to You.