Ban Bossy Campaign

 Have you seen or heard about this? I've only stumbled upon it in the last two weeks so I'm not sure how "viral" it is. I have to say this is not sitting well with me. There's a message, that's for sure, and there are good things too...

Empower young women... agree!
Encourage strength and assertiveness... agree!
Raise awareness around young women straying away from leadership in middle school... agree!
Ban bossy... disagree

Please forgive me for going against Beyonce and her posse but, one of these things is not like the other. One of these things just isn't the same.

Bossiness assumes little to no value, significance, or importance of others involved in the situation.
Leadership ensures equity of voice, considers the thoughts and feelings of others involved, and encourages leadership in others.

I am not an expert or a researcher so I do not have credible sources to back me up nor do I have hours or even years of scientific studies to rest my case upon. What I do have is over 17 years of experience of caring for children both one on one, in groups, socially, and academically. I know what positive leadership looks like in a toddler through a teenager because I've seen it, first hand, across a vast array of situations.

I have also witnessed bossiness. In my personal experience, I've seen bossiness in both girls and boys alike, and can say without a doubt it is different than a situation in which a young boy or girl exhibits strong leadership capabilities in an appropriate manner. In fact, kids with strong leadership qualities tend to stay away from kids likely to act bossy because they know "being told what to do" is not a desirable situation. Furthermore, I always put a stop to bossiness and have no problem calling it out because it shouldn't happen. As I stated above, bossiness assumes low value in others and I'll be damned if I ever let a kid feel as if they don't matter in my presence. damned, I tell you

To further my point, allow me to paint a little picture of a "bossy" situation. Here's a dialogue from a conversation I had with one of my female first graders many years back:

Me: I noticed you and Gedney (I changed the name) play a lot together outside on the playground.
Student: Yeah.
Me: I also noticed, when you have a choice to work with a partner in class, Gedney is always your first pick. You must really get along with him.
Student: Yeah, he listens to everything I say.
Me: What do you mean?
Student: I can tell him to do anything and he'll do it. That's why I choose him instead of other kids, other kids won't listen but he let's me do anything I want.
Me: Hmmm, that's an interesting way to describe your friendship with someone. How do you think he feels about you telling him what to do?
Student: I don't know. He doesn't care. He doesn't say anything, he just does whatever I want. If he stops doing what I want, I won't be friends with him anymore.

Now, let's review the facts: Is this young lady confident? Yes. Is she assertive? Yes. Is she focused on a goal and determined to accomplish it? Yes. All of these are fantastic leadership skills and should be recognized and nurtured. Is she using these skills in an appropriate way? No. She is being bossy and I would be remiss not to address this fact with her and fix it. Which I did. To allow this to continue knowing her main motive was to force her "friend" into submission was not an option nor will it ever be an option for me.

For fun, let's pretend Gedney's parents decided to get involved (they did not, this is hypothetical). Let's say I received a phone call with a complaint such as this, "hi Mrs. Pentek, I wanted to talk to you about a situation with Gedney and another girl in his class. I feel he's being bossed around by her, am uncomfortable with the situation, and want to know what we can do to make it stop." Am I to respond, "I'm sorry Mrs. Gedney, but let's refrain from using the word bossy. Using it squashes this young lady's leadership ambitions and may have detrimental effects on her and her future endeavors. Instead, let's encourage her sense of individuality, strength, and drive." Um... no.

Let's review:
Encourage and empower young women? Yes please!
Ban bossy? No thank you.