Becoming Old: Part 2
Welcome to the second installment of a regular segment I affectionately call:
Becoming Old: Reflections of a Twenty-Something Who's About to Lose her Title
Part 2: So... what are you going to do next?
I blinked and
my college life as I knew it was over. I was officially student teaching.
I blinked and
my student teaching was complete (with
all A’s; a first for me in college)
and I was graduating.
As
an almost old person this
recollection of this period of my life seems accurate. “Wasn’t it ages ago? Didn’t it go by with the blink of an eye?” are
all thoughts swimming in my head now
but the truth is, it didn’t go by like a blink then. In fact, I remember one
particular part of my student teaching experience that seemed to cr…..awwwww…l
by like a baby sea turtle desperately trying to make it safely to water. I am
of course referring to the time when everyone started asking, “so what are you
going to do next?” Oh god. Next?!?!?!?!? The rush of emotions to
surface when this question poured out of the well-meaning mouths of the loving
people surrounding me was suffocating. The worst part was… they were right in asking
this question. What was I going to do next?
And so, I
began to pay attention to those around me a bit more. I called upon the friends
I knew who already graduated. What did
they do? I asked myself in order to get a better handle on how to frame my
thinking around this concept of next.
Law school, started a job they landed before college ended, got married, moved
back home, traveled… the list went on. Then I moved to those in my current
position, other student teachers. Getting married, moving back home, applying
for jobs, going into grad. school, moving away to teach somewhere new, already
landed a job… pretty much sums it up. But what would be best for me? Two very important things happened to
me at this time. I remember each very distinctly because, to this day, I think
of how grateful I am that each of these things happened at the time they did.
1. The last
place I turned to decide what was best for me was my closest friends. It was
here that I realized most of my closest friends were leaning on one another for
the answer to this question. Most had already determined where they were going
to move and with whom they were going to live all of which fell into 3 general
categories: moving back home to live with parents, moving to a city and living
with another friend, or staying in Ames because they weren’t graduating yet.
Not one of the 3 options sat well with me and I’ll try to explain why as best I
can. The prospect of moving home to Minnesota scared me. I had heard of so many
people trying to land teaching jobs but couldn’t catch a break. I couldn’t
imagine not teaching and knew I’d be heartbroken if I was anywhere and not teaching. I also wasn’t ready to move back home
yet.
Most
importantly however, I didn’t like the idea of leaning on my friends to make
what I had worked out in my head as being one of the biggest decisions I’d make
in my life. I didn’t know much but what I could gather of my own thoughts and
emotions at the time was that I was confused, overwhelmed, insecure, excited at
the possibilities ahead but unsure of my own ability to make the right decision,
and disoriented. I knew if I was
feeling that way it was likely everyone else was too despite the impressive one
person act we all displayed entitled, “I’m having a blast! This is the best
time in my life! I promise.” Why would I
put such a weighty decision in the hands of people so unsure of their own paths
let alone the path that is best for me?
Instead I
turned to the only two people I knew I could trust with 100% certainty at the
time. My parents. I’m sure it sounds lame but they were the only two people I
could think of who would give it me straight, know me inside and out, and would
support me in feeling okay with whatever decision I came up with. I’ve never regretted
this choice and to this day, this is still the logic I use when making large
decisions. Granted, my circle has grown to include more people but my parents
are and will always be my go to sounding board and the reasoning behind this is
the same as it was 8 years ago. This is not to say the others ways in which my
friends decided what do was wrong in any way, I just knew it was not the best
for me.
2. The second
important thing to happen during this time was Mike. Mike and I started dating
when we were sophomores so by this point we had been together for about 2
years. I was of course curious about what the future held for me and him so I
knew we had to discuss it. Although this isn’t word for word (it was a while
ago) his response when I asked what he
thought I should do and how he thought
I should consider “us” went something like this: “Sarah, I don’t know what will
happen with us and I’m not going to tell you something I can’t promise will
happen. You need to make this decision as if we weren’t together because if you
bank on it and we don’t end up together you’ll regret it. Choose what’s best
for you and we’ll figure the rest out later.”
At the time I
wanted to punch him in the face. I was looking for a life line. I was looking
for one strand of security to count on when thinking about my future. I wanted
to hear him say we would work out because it would give me something to fill
the large picture of the unknown I had in my head. But he didn’t. So yes, I
wanted to punch him in the face.
Now though,
I’m so thankful he said it. He was of course right but more importantly he was
brave, honest, and showed more love and respect for me in that moment than the
average 22 year old frat boy (no offense frat boys). Even if things hadn’t
worked out between us, I would still think of this moment and have the utmost
respect for him. I’m glad I didn’t punch him in the face.
In the end, I
decided to stay in Des Moines because student teaching here made me feel
comfortable and confident that I could and would land a job there. I also
wanted to start my Master’s degree at Drake University soon after graduating
from Iowa State. I found my first apartment on my own, applied for teaching
jobs and as a substitute just in case, and also landed a job at Caribou Coffee
just in case I didn’t end up with a job right away. I didn’t get a job right
away so I ended up subbing. After my 4th day subbing I landed a long
term sub position for a Kindergarten classroom which turned into my 1st
official job as a first grade teacher. I also followed through with my Master’s
degree too.
The truth is
I’ll never know what could’ve happened had I chosen a different path but I’m
sure it all would’ve worked out fine too. I will say the day I found out I got
my first job as a 1st grade teacher was one of the best days of my
life. College was fun, but what happened
next was better than I could’ve ever imagined.
Oh, and Mike
and I did figure the rest out. Go figure :)
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